If you want to catch up on too-personal updates, I've got a small harem of them now!

• ​January 2023​
• ​June 2023​
• ​September 2023​

And it's time for another now ;-)! So, looking at the evidence, maybe these are quarterly things.

Ah, you,

I come to your inbox today a broken shell of a person, wearing smushy lounge clothes covered in yogurt smears and a 5-year old's boogers.

(Did you know you have to teach kids where to wipe things? They don't inherently know. FYI.)

Apparently, this is what success looks like!

Ignore all those images in your head of a smart Chanel suit or wingtips. It's all about the lounge pants.

This year was... character-building. Yes, that is what we will call it. I built approximately a herd of elephant's worth of character.

I also built out my coaching business, which was a bright shining star through it all.

I continued to work with my own coach (❤️ you Ed!).

I had an environmental scientist come out and show me why my house is killing me (more on that in a second).

And I stripped away any sense of ego or control I've been bringing to B2BWI and my writing. I'm here for the surprise journey, folks.

Here are a few updates I'd like to share, both for the pleasure I feel when I'm honest on the Internet, and because you might find it interesting.

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My dying brain

I don't mean to be dramatic. But I spent most of this year wishing I could lie down in the grass and be reabsorbed into the Earth.

I'm not proud of my attitude about being a sick person. I guess I always assumed I'd be one of those stoic, friendly sick people who inspires people and enhances the life of those around her. That... has not been happening. But I am proud of the way I haven't given up on myself and I've stayed a survivor in the face of what's going on.

Let me try to condense my health adventure into three bullet points. In the past year or so, I've discovered....

• Chronic Immune Response Syndrome (CIRS) and mold toxicity is the "root cause" of my autoimmune health issues the last 10 years. I've had some periodic wins with back pain and energy since starting treatment, but the last few months the fatigue and neurological stuff has been getting progressively worse.
• We had a scientist come out and give us a detailed report on all the fascinating ways my house is killing me (hidden bathroom leaks galore, mold and fungi spores in the second floor carpet, a dream combo) which we are remediating ASAP.
• Once we get the house clear, I'll be about 1 year into a 2-3 year process of special nose sprays that 1) kill a bacteria called MARCoNS from my sinus and 2) regulate my immune system again. (It's endlessly frustrating because I am on the lowest possible dose of that and I get side effects when I increase it, so it's touch and go).

The result of this health journey remains to be seen.

I'm not sure what hope looks like anymore. I'm too tired to hope, or to feel not-hope.

I am just trudging along, trying to not drown in guilt for all the things I can't do and be right now, especially in a precious time with my kids that I know is so, so fleeting (and yet so, so loud and chaotic).

(I think this is exactly why the phrase, "It is what it is," is so popular in our culture right now.)

This experience has allowed me to reflect on the duality of the experience of being alive:

I am proud of myself, I am ashamed of myself.

I am working hard, I am not able to work hard enough.

I am unthinkably blessed beyond measure, I feel cursed and punished by God.

All of these things are true. They're probably true about you, too, in some interesting ways.

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Coaching as my lifeline

Listen, I know the value of coaching is really about the coaching recipient. That's the whole point.

But given all the health stuff I just described, I have to emphasize what a lifeline it has been for me to be in coaching relationships with 12-15 people at a time the past few months.

In the process of lovingly untangling the mental blocks of the people I'm working with.... I get to re-live my own passion for business, personal development, and leveling up every day, 10x a day. It's such a gift.

When I say gift, I mean when I coach someone into pitching $2000 for a project instead of $750, and they agreed to try, and the pitch was accepted immediately with excitement... I literally feel like *I* just made $2000. It feels better than when I make it.

* Happy sigh*

The times the people I'm working with have re-inspired me to keep going is countless. I am so impressed with each of them. It's like a precious, enchanted once-in-a-millenia blooming flower and I get to keep it in my garden. And I am a flower, too.

Anyway. That's not to say I don't get up in my head about it.

My own mindset issues pop up too — Who am I to charge this? What do I even have to offer? Can't people just read X book and get all the value they need? — and I work with my own coach to tame those issues.

Thinking about it now, I think it just means that all of our brains have programming that experiences limits, and if we don't remove them intentionally, we remain limited.

I don't know why (that doesn't seem like very smart biological programming). But I'm no exception to it, and I also need someone to talk to about it, and my life is the richer for it (both literally and figuratively).

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I can literally mail you now! (Stamp Fans)

I know this is going to seem wild after 10 years and $1 million billed in my own business... but the other week I finally earned my first dollar from truly just writing as me.

It happened when my friends Susan R. and Liz F. signed up for my StampFans subscription.

(THANK YOU SUSAN AND LIZ!)

Nick Freiling is a new founder to me, but the minute I saw his project StampFans, I got huge heart eyes and immediately signed up. It's a subscription or newsletter that mails a real physical letter to you from someone you sign up for.

I started a small side email-list called Tiny Questions last year but it hasn't gone anywhere. Something was missing... and it was real life, physical snail mail!

It's not too late to sign up — on December 31st, I am going to hit send on a handwritten note about stationery, fountain pens, and journal prompts you can use to get back into the habit of exploring yourself with a diary.

It's all the personal side of personal development and business development — the stuff that turns us into the kind of person we want to be at the end of this work.

(It's U.S. only for now... sorry about that!)

You can click here if you want to sign up and get the first edition going out December 31st, 2023:

​Click here to learn more​

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Work hacks

On the more practical side, there are two interesting realizations I made about how I spend my time and how work shows up on my calendar.

First, with the layout of my work week:

Because I meet with coaching clients every other week, I end up being on the phone a lot. I was quickly feeling burned out each day, because being available 0830-0430 doesn't leave a lot of focus time for me to actually do anything. Just hopping from call to call.

After a brainstorm with my coach, I've been experimenting with different kinds of availability.

I settled on something that's working great so far (when I can hold to my boundaries): I block off either an AM or PM time period on each day for a clear working/focus block. Then I can jump into a call block without being stressed about any deadlines that are coming for me.

So it looks like...

And each day I'll get some calls in, and also have protected time for work.

This is VERY different from a day that might look like this:

Second, with the concept of pacing:

Balancing your workload can be very difficult in freelancing because there are always busy and slow times, and you always need to secure your next paycheck.

For me, this looks like booking up early and often, and trying to push through work very consistently (... also known as nose-to-the-ground always overworked).

I found myself accepting work and pushing to hit the deadline earlier and earlier (so I could fit more on the back end). And it was a constant strain.

The thing that was missing was PACING myself.

I started scheduling things at a better "pace," leaving extra room for me to do something else.

For example, if a deadline came up, I wouldn't look at this week's work time as availability. Only NEXT week's work time was available for that work. I started to protect the current week more.

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The layer under workaholism

I paid a lot of attention to my work habits last year and this year. I broke through another layer of my workaholism only to find there's gross stuff under there (not unlike all the home renovations going on).

I'm not sure bad habits just exist in a vacuum. I'm pretty sure we hide stuff with bad habits.

At least, that's the case with me: if I work...

I don't have to deal with the fact I'm sick and unable to be there for my kids the way I want to be.

I don't have to feel the shame of wanting to avoid their company because they're loud and energetic, and I am tired and frazzled.

I don't have to face the loss of a decade of my life I had to spend coping with life, not living it.

But this year I finally managed to truly overwork myself to the point of physical exhaustion. (Lol) I don't recommend it. But some of us have to hit a wall before we're willing to get out of the car.

This issue is still unresolved. But I'm taking more time for myself, and when I feel the urge to pull away from downtime or relaxation time because then I have to face what I don't want to face, I'm talking myself through it and leaning into it. I'm trying.

To try to get really granular about improving this, one of my goals for the new year is "Vacay every day."

I want to find 10-20 minutes of vacation activities to indulge in during my workday, even if it's just lying down on the floor for 10 minutes. (The task needs to be microscopically small so I have no excuse.)

It will be a nice reminder that every day I'm allowed to be human, not just a work robot.

To that end... I decided to move my work planning into a separate planner! Ah! If you are not into stationery, you might be tempted to gloss over this as not-a-big-deal. But, let me assure you, it is a big deal! 🤓

What this means is that my main large planner now has more space just for life and art, instead of letting my work reflections and work plans dominate every waking moment of my life.

It is VERY uncomfortable already. But I credit my experience as a coach for getting me through even this first step. I know it will be uncomfortable, and I will do it anyway, and the results might surprise me ;-).

Perhaps the most uncomfortable part is looking at a blank A5 page and thinking... I need to explore myself and my inner landscape completely without any work references?

Daunting! But should it be? Should it really be that hard to be human? How did I get to this place in my life?

I dunno. That's why we're doing this separate planner thing.

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Added to my pen collection... again

My parents went to Japan to visit one of my brothers and decided to completely rock my world. They brought me back a Pilot Vanishing Point Capless in Birch and a Platinum Century #3667. I can't put the Vanishing Point down.

Pen heaven.

On my own, I also added...

• TWSBI Diamond 580 (Stub)
• 1970s Montblanc 146 (Semi-flex nib)
• 1970s Pilot Elite 95 Checkered (F)
• Pilot Custom 74 (m but I'm going to get a custom italic grind on it)
• White Sailor 1911L (M)

And a few more lovely items here and there from being a part of a Reddit Secret Santa in the r/fountainpen channel. Highly recommend.

A select few of my beauties (three of them are at the nibsmith and can't be pictured):

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Album rundown

Apple Music's Chill House playlist is my go-to for soothing my brain in the morning while preparing the kids' breakfast and when starting my work day. I like to work with the feeling that I'm upstairs at a really popular club and everyone downstairs is having fun.

I also discovered Caroline Polachek late in the game so I've been streaming Pang and Desire, I Want to Turn Into You nonstop.

Beach Bunny is still on repeat (both albums). And Taylor Swift, of course.

I don't have the right words to talk about this yet, but I am likely going to focus on women storytellers and musicians in the coming year. Not as a punitive and avoidant thing, but as a nurturing and restorative thing.

The more I reflect on my experience as a mother and woman in the world, the more I see just how much I've been influenced and shaped by a masculine and male perspective.

All of my favorite bands, songwriters, writers.... why were they all, almost without exception, (very talented) white men?

It's like waking up and realizing you're just kind of covered in a thin layer of something you didn't know about, and some of it has trailed into your eyes and ears.

Do I like what I like, and do I see the world as it is? Or do I like what has been strategically presented to me, and I see the world through a lens of masculinity and mysogyny? These can be hot-button words in some circles, but I reserve the right to explore it.

It's a personal journey, for sure. But it's also cultural and business — the world is always evolving and being pulled apart by forces like this, whether we participate or not.

One of the ones I'm most interested in is how the idea of a feminine economy is going to impact the world of marketing and "bro hustle culture" as we break the mold of the people we look to for advice and best practices.

What will marketing and content look like if it's nurturing, restorative, and holistic? Can we every truly retire aggressive language, hard-charging business concepts, and "content marketing ninjas," or will it just go deeper into hiding?

I'm not quite sure how I got to this in the section about my music tastes, but here we are! 😂

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Phew, there it is, we're better friends now!

This is just one version of the story of the past year. If I'd written this at another time, in another mood, you might have gotten a dozen different stories and a totally different theme... and both would be and are true.

When you're feeling tired, just remember that's the kind of complexity our brains are struggling with at. all. times. At all times. 🤯

Thanks for tuning in and following this wild journey with me. Thanks for your support and your attention. Thanks for being patient with me (again). Just thanks. :)

Talk tale,

Sarah G.

P.S. What's on your mind for 2024?

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